You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
