apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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