First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
