just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
