party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
