The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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