all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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