if i can run in heels then i can drive
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
