my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize