I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
