we're blogging at a bar
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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