i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
a search helicopter?!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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