Your dad touched me again.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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