Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
