how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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