On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
