Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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