I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
