sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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