the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
