there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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