So drunk its hurt
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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