some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
