First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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