Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
thus making me awesome and them whores
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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