I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
