Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
