Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
