a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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