i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
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