I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize