It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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