Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
