lets start a swedish sibling band together
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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