If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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