haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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