I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
