I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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