I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
