Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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