just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
