So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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