Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
