I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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