I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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