hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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