I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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