Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
