If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
