Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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