new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
