If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
