Where did you get a picture of my penis
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Someone signed my nipple.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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