real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
