Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you had me at cake vodka
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
