The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
