He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
