Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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