So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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