I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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