Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
