bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
