Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
