can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.