If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...