I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there