Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Use "feeling words"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?