Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just wanna be euthanized