a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?