so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
