every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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