so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
