Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
