The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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