i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
