the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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