if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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