I think I died a long time ago.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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