I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
