Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
