I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
