The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
