no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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