i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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