I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
