I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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