I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
