hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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