She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize