idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
